What's helped - Art Acadamy for DS

I'm learning to draw/paint with the DS which is relaxing, and as it is electronic, I'm able to keep trying and trying without wasting paper, paint etc.

I have now ventured out to using real paper, pencils and paint.  I  have just tried to re-create the images from the DS Lessons.  I have been to the park with my pad and paints - but they are not very good - at the moment - not sure the others are really but will post a few of the 'DS Lesson drawings & paintings'

Hopefully over the year there may be some improvement - can't be much worse :)

It all just helps me to Chill

First pencil drawings

2nd pencil drawing

Very 1st watercolour

second watercolour

Upsetting communications

I'm going on a "communication course" as there have been two complaints about me at work and possibly a third complaint made.  If my boss had communicated with me before enrolling me on the course then he may have realised that one of the complainants said they were NOT complaining about me.  The second complaint had been witnessed by another customer - what & how I had communicated with the other complainant - she had offered to speak to my boss on my behalf if there ever was a complaint made against me.

Just really upset about it especially my boss' lack of communication with me, he even asked another manager to tell me I was going on the course.  The following day an eMail is sent out about another complaint - things not done, poor communication etc etc but at the end of the eMail it stated it wasn’t first incident where people have complained at staff attitude.  The nature of work is such that others will ask & will find out – everyone knows everything about everyone that since communications is such a vital part of work if I am so bad I will be sacked soon I’m just really worried about it.

The next eMail from boss was he will soon be advertising some new posts at work & does anyone want to change their hours - I feel like saying just sack me now it will be quicker than a constructive dismissal

Was really unhappy about it next shift at work most of the staff asked how I was feeling as I was just so quiet - I haven't told anyone about the complaint and being sent on the course. 

This was just how I felt at the time, now a few days later I have calmed down a bit, I have told a few colleagues at work – well 3 people so everyone will know now, some just laughed at the suggestion that I have poor communications.  I have no objections to going on the course, just upset that the course and the reason for being sent on it recorded on my personal record.  Depends how I feel – I may appeal against it being recorded on my record.

I’ll just remember to Chill and be calm and professional at work

Sleep... too much .. wrong time .....

Not sleeping at night - so instead I fall asleep at 5am, then wake at lunchtime- feel terrible that slept so long, so just go back to sleep till late afternoon.

Then realise that I've wasted the day so try and do something, but feel depressed so don't do anything, go back to sleep, wake at midnight and so the sleep cycle begins again.  It is not helping my depression, just making me more and more irritable and lethargic which is not very good or healthy.  As I’m not in a normal sleep pattern I’m not eating properly, can’t be bothered to go to the gym not seeing friends or family either so just in a never ending cycle of depression.

So one week off work and most of it awake at night, sleeping during the day.  Back on night shift this week, that should cure me as I'll stay up on the day off so will be tired enough to sleep all night.  Have to do something as it is just making me worse, uncaring & unsympathetic.  May have to create a star chart to ensure I do something every day !!

It may just help to be to learn to chill !!

Love life - if you can call it that ha ha ha

Just amended this blog to point out from the offset that I’m NOT on Twitter to find a someone – see BLOG NOR am I desperate for a bloke, 

Not sure if I'll ever post this blog as it is a bit more personal that usual but will write it any way!

Let me just start by saying I'm straight, not a weirdo, not a nun, but not promiscuous either, I've had three long term relationships (five years or more) with long periods being single in between.  It is less than a year since last & I split up - he ended it but it was more like mutual agreement than breaking my heart.  This is NOT the place to discuss my relationships and/or why they have failed EVER.

I'm NOT desperate for a fella, please don't think that as I enjoy the freedom of being single but at times it would be nice just to go out for a meal, watch the cricket with someone.  I was thinking about this as I was swimming at the gym earlier in the week - have to think about something whilst swimming 20 lengths. See just going to the gym with someone would be nice.

Anyway as I was saying whilst swimming it hit me that although I have thought myself in love with two of the three guys I've had long term relationships, only one of the three ever was in love with me.  I know I was stupid to stay with someone who doesn't love me but I did.  I think I would like to meet someone who will love me just for being me.

That is where the difficulty arises, how do you meet someone - work is not an option either too young - don't want someone much younger than me, don't do with married men - or anyone in a relationship.  I accept people for who they appear on twitter and don’t care about their age, being single, gender sexuality etc but if I was to start a relationship then I do care.  So where next, Facebook? Twitter?

How do I over come

• Appearing desperate and only on Twitter to find a fella – see BLOG to realise that is not true
• How can one have fun without giving out the wrong signals
• How to give out the right signals
• My paranoia that those online are who they say
• How do you know who you talk to is genuine – truthful about their age, being single, gender sexuality etc?
• How do you learn all about someone whilst being genuine about myself
• Does mentioning my past mean overburdening a casual acquaintance with my baggage
• How can I tell someone I am genuine and want to help with their baggage
• How not to misinterpret friendship for more
• How not to give the impression of wanting more

Someone - sorry can’t remember who – recently tweeted

Everyone comes with baggage from previous relationships.....but who is willing to love you enough to stand there & help you unpack

The difficulty is finding the person to help you unpack who hasn’t been put off by the size of the baggage!

Sorry this has blog is bit longer than usual, and more waffley but it’s MY blog so I can put what I want after all it is similar to an online public diary.

Meanwhile I’ll just learn to chill