I have not spoken/eMailed been in touch with my friends in real life. It is easy to keep in touch with Twitter friends but not so easy with real friends for this I am truly sorry.
It is nothing that my friends have done, just me, it is easier to think I’ll contact them tomorrow, but before you know it a month has gone by, then two, six months, a year, 18 months, so I need to rectify that. I know I should be eMailing my friends directly instead of writing about it on my blog, but this way I am able to sort things in my head as to what I want to say.
One friend was upset that I hadn’t kept in touch, but after she had cancelled coffee twice I thought she didn’t want to know me, not that she had other appointments on those days – no excuse but since I was so low I was convinced that she didn’t want to meet me. It is just one example of how my depression has separated my from others.
I have not even sent Christmas cards for at least two years, didn’t even bother with a tree in 2010, I usually wrote a Round Robin letter with my cards, but nothing not even an explanation let alone card or letter. I have chatted a bit via facebook, but even then not answered messages to friends. I was always going to do it tomorrow – but as usual tomorrow has never materialised.
It was my birthday recently, not a big one but am using it as a time to make birthday resolutions – like new year but made at my birthday not 1 January – so if I write them on here, then I will update my blog as to have I am progressing, so here is my list
1 Contact my friends – apologise to them for not being in touch – then try and keep in touch
2 Update my blog regularly, not just when I remember & reply to comments made – if someone has been kind enough to make a comment I should be polite enough to respond/answer their question
3 Be more social – text my friends more
4 Try to go out and meet others more – want to help at local cricket club as well as watching cricket
5 I need to start thinking very positively and not thinking woe is me as it’s not healthy for me or my daughter as she is the one who is most affected by my low moods.
So filled with good intentions I am off to write some eMails and respond to comments made on earlier postings
Still learning to chill out – taking a bit longer than I had hoped
I received your email and will reply personally too, but wanted to say this on here so others may read it. We have known each other for ever and I wish I had been a better friend to you. Going for Counselling is a brave thing to do, but for me it worked really well and I hope that you will stick with it and perhaps go back again. I have read through your blog and see and feel the hurt you have. Please know that you are thought of often, that you are a wonderful person and the girl that I knew at school who had such a zest for life is still inside you. I know you have had to deal with many difficult episodes during your life and I have always been amazed with how well you have coped without perhaps seeing how much it has really affected you, for that I apologize. We will always be friends, and even though we don't speak, text, e:mail (and all other types of electronic communication) often you remain my oldest (not in age!) friend. I believe that friendship is more than communication. Keep blogging!
ReplyDeleteOhh that's lovely thank you
Deletelove you loads my oldest (longest friend)
Pam
xx