I had the form for the counselling services for some months before I posted it off. The time felt right for me to start addressing some of my issues.
I had a phone message left giving me choices of a few dates/times. I accepted one and then blogged I was going for counselling, I was quite nervous and I had a few very positive and encouraging comments about the benefits of counselling.
I nervously attended the first session, The counsellor whom I’ll call Katie was lovely, she explained how the service work and asked about the initial catalyst that had caused the severe depression and my childhood and my so called love life and other details of my life. I left after the hour rushed by I felt very positive about having started some counselling.
The second session with Katie she asked me some questions base on what I had initially told her last week. This session was spent mostly on my childhood; she made some comments about my parents/grandparent, which I became very defensive about, however, have spent some time thinking about what was said, I agreed with her. Some things said to me when I was young, were unkind, hurtful, and should not have been said to a child. I need to start looking after myself, let others look after themselves.
Just returned from my third session. I’m going to write a letter, which will probably never be sent but might make me feel better. I need to remember I am an adult and not a child about to be told off; I need to recognise the feelings and learn not to react child like but to remain in control of the situation.
She suggested ways to enable me to sleep prior to a day shift. My biggest fear is that I will sleep in, so instead of sleeping I spend most of the night worrying that I’ll sleep through the alarm. New ways of waking up are needed, instead of just relying on one alarm clock think of other ways. This has helped and I’ve worked three day shifts without sleeping in and have slept for at least 7 hours.
Fourth session was did I write the letter – I did but haven’t sent it – not going to send it but it made me feel better.
The rest of the sessions became a bit more personal which I’m sure you will understand that I don’t want to share with my blog. I had a total of 8 sessions. Most of the time I feel OK but I still have some bad days. Whilst having CBT my GP told me, it would be better if I were not taking anti depressants at the same time I did feel OK at the time.
Other things have happened and I can feel my self sinking back into depression again so I may have to go back to the Dr for some anti-depressants. Not having been on twitter for a while due to looking after daughter has not helped as I used twitter to help keep me sane – well not so depressed
It all helping me Learning to Chill
Hi I read your blog with interest and I can understand the need to keep some things private and to self protect. I just wondered have you been using the coping strategies you learned? Btw you could ask for more counselling?
ReplyDeleteHi there i totally relate to what i have just read lack of sleep and ive suffered from depression since at least 14yrs maybe longer cant remember. Been through so many depressants to a point where i took diazipam for over 5yrs not a clever thing im told really messed me up when i came of them. Part of my prblem was i injured my spine in 98 it will be 14yrs on the 5th of feb!!! Ive been in some dark holes in recent years, losing the ability to play sport (my passion cricket and i played at minor county level) i lost my my ability to work due to ill health, my so called friends deserted me, and 3 years ago my wife cheated on me and i have been single since. at that point i lost full time contact with my sons whom i had been the full time carer since 2000 when Harrison was born Conor was 2 at the time. it all came to a head in sept 2009 when ex tried to stop me seeing my sons at all and with no reason either !!! you may be sceptical about that i would be but she wanted me not to see them at all. as we are very close my sons and i it was a hard time and well i didnt cope well with what and how she did it and tried to take an overdose of dihydrocodiene around 60 plus tablets i swallowed. Im still here so didtn work but i was at an end of being hurt by her and everybody i knew apart from my sons and best mate who unfortunatly lives in kuwait. well i sort help i was already seeing a psychiatrist, but they changed every 6 months and sometimes they even read the wrong notes and thought i was someone else. i told them what i had attempted and was close to trying again yet they kept ignoring me it took my gp sending me to see a counselor and talking to her for the first time someone asked me what was wrong we talked and talked but i was only allowed 6 session nhs money as normal and i had worked for that trust for ten years so not favours either. the counselor was ace she basically said she couldnt help me and i needed psychological intervention fast well as fast as nhs goes these days and i was sent within a couple of days for emergency assesment, which was an eye opener. as soon as i was seen i was seeing the right person, she used cbt and cat and over the next year she put me back together. its not perfect and i still have dark days but im doing a voluntery job for 16 hrs a week the first time ive done any work since my youngest was born and his face when i told him was worth it all the pride in his and his brothers eyes brought a tear to mine. what im trying to say after all this waffle is maybe antidepressants arent the answer everytime but what works for you is right. it took me close to a year to have any decent sleeping pattern after i came of them, so if thats any help probably not im not great at putting my thoughts down, but i do know it can help to share as i spent the best part of the last 7 years isoloated by pain and depresion. drcjdr@hotmail.com
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