Acceptance

I have neglected by blog for far to long.  I have found the past two years extremely difficult but I now need to accept things have changed & it's time to move on.  

I've been very low and feeling sorry for myself again I need to pull myself together I know this is easier said than done

I was recently told to 

• stop feeling sorry for myself 

• stop missing what I don't have 

• start enjoying what I actually have

This made me realise that I've been feeling so low and hiding away from what I have.  So since then I've been trying to focus on positives

Work has been difficult I've reapplied for my own job three times in two years and there will be a fourth time in the next year or so but at least I have a job!  My hours have been changed 30 minutes less each day means I now have to work an extra day every 8 weeks, but we never finish on time as it is so it will be an extra day a month for no extra pay, but at least I still have a job!

The trigger which I'm not discussing has not changed I did meet up with a few of those who I had fallen out with, I'm glad I did as it showed I've made the correct decision not to continue to have contact with them.  Very easy to write not so easy to accept.  

I've recently had a Big birthday  one that ends in a 0 so as I start a new Decade I have a new attitude - accept what I have not look back to what is missing.

I have an excellent daughter who is caring and loving, who spoilt me rotten for my birthday, kidnapped me, if you can call being taken to London for a surprise trip away a kidnapping - then arranged a full itinerary for the two days including tickets to the view from the shard for my birthday present.

I have been mentioned in the acknowledgement of a book thanking me for help - all I've done is send a few tweets and facebook messages to the author Michelle Betham and comment on her blog.  I found this to be soooo exciting as I love reading but to be mentioned was just so thrilling

So I'm counting my blessings 

• I have an excellent daughter  

• A brilliant birthday 

• I have a job 

• I love cricket 

• Mentioned in the acknowledgement of a book Striker by Michelle Betham

• I am only friends with those I want to be with 

 As  my I have a new mug says I need to 

• Shut up and deal with it ......

Just not on my blog since I tell you how I'm feeling which is a lot more chilled :) 

Pam xoxo

Kindle and eBooks

I was bought Kindle for Christmas, complete with screen protector, cover and light.  I LOVE it, it goes everywhere with me, I just throw it in my bag and off I go, no more hulking great books with me or choosing a handbag based on the size of a book.  I can still read in the bath as my kindle fits into a ziplock bag to keep it dry!

I have a kindle and use Amazon as I asked twitter for advice and kindle was the overwhelming recommendation.  I have downloaded books from Amazon both expensive and free, some mistakes have been made, but found out that if downloaded in error I could return to Amazon for a full refund – I clicked buy instead of sample and having read the sample really didn’t want to buy it.

Friends are divided between kindles are:

the best thing since sliced bread

or

the work of the devil and will be the death of books

However, I have read more books this year than I’ve done for years, both established and independent authors

I have a real mixture of books on my kindle from classics, thrillers, factual, autobiographies to chick lit/romances, although it could be argued that Jane Austen was the first chick lit/romance author but she is now considered a classic author.  I have downloaded books from authors I have tweeted with and even tweeted with authors of books I’ve downloaded.

I am currently trying to read Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables – this is hard work, but since Russell Crowe will be in a new film adaptation of Les Mis I want to read the book first.  There is debate about whether one should only read classic and not the so called ‘Trashy’ chick lit romance novels, but when I can’t sleep at 3am I don’t want to be concentrating on a novel I just want something easy to read, with a happy ever after at the end.  Insomnia is bad enough at the best of times without having to make your brain work hard concentration on a book or reading a weepy.  

As usual I have more than one book on the go at once, a friend has recommended EL James' Fifty Shade of Grey 

you must read it we’re ALL reading it even though it is VERY racy

I know this has had some terrible reviews on Amazon, but the last book this friend recommended was good so I will read it – it’s nearly as hard work as Les Mis but so was Wuthering Heights and that is a lovely story.  Oh I'm not comparing EL James to Victor Hugo or Emily Brontë!

I've read Lisette Brodey's books after I followed her on Twitter, Crooked Moon was a lovely read and not what I was expecting, so will have to down load another of her books next.

I read Michelle Bethan’s No Matter What – it was on offer and free when I downloaded and just loved this book.  Not sure why maybe I could related in various ways to India the main character, - no I’m not a famous Hollywood actress with a fabulous lifestyle - but just on the personal level even though I’ve not been through what India has.  The character made me think about things and in the same way I fell in love with Jane Austen’s Anne Elliot, Mr Darcy, Captain Wentworth, I fell in love with India Stevens.  I have since purchased and read Michelle Betham's other books which I enjoyed just not in the same way.  I even follow Michelle on twitter although she probably thinks me some weird stalker fan – those who know me on here and twitter will (hopefully) know I’m not a weido or stalker just a friendly person trying to brighten up the day and encourage others.

So I will return to my kindle and Les Mis hopefully I will finish it before the film is released although Lisette Brodey's Molly Hacker is Too Picky is calling me and Michelle Bethan is editing her next book so maybe just maybe I will not have time to finish Les Mis, thank you to all the various authors, please keep your imaginations working creating lovely stories, mysteries crimes to draw me into various situations I would never go to otherwise.  

All this reading is helping me to Chill more and be so much less stressed or depressed


epilogue !!


read all three shades of grey books - found out the friend hadn't read it before recommending it to me didn't even finish book one - they are badly written very predictable even.  I had written this before hearing all the hype about these books.  I'm glad I read them, but there are so many better books around.