Today is a bad day but since this is an all inclusive blog then I'm not going to spare the details. I can not remember what comment triggered a terrible reaction and deep sense of self loathing, I just know how I felt. I had a row, and went off, I knew I wanted to do something bad to myself - not sure what but I didn't trust myself to go home.
Instead I went to the local shopping centre to wander round and have a coffee. I walked around feeling closed in, cold, very very very low not wanting to be here, had started to make a plan, but knew I shouldn't so news paper and coffee it was. After a while the despair I felt closing in on me started to relax a bit, the paper was full of doom and gloom with a bit of celebrity gossip thrown in. I was still feeling very very low and down but began to think about the daughter and what effect my actions would have on her.
I went home, to veg out in front of the TV - daughter rang, to check up on me - she does that a lot - probably bit too much. She sang an silly song to me to cheer me up which has worked. I've written this but not sure whether to post or not.
Few days later.....
I've decided to post this - it's my blog and I can post what I want when I want - so good days and bad days will be mentioned.
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